come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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