I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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