I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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