Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
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I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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