dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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