Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
