I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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