herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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