I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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