I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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