i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
