so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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