If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
