Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
