if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
