ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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