this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
