i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
