There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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