I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
