a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
