dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
