I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
