You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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