8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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