This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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