it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
