she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
