Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
