I must be too annoying 4 u.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
