i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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