did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
