$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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