Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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