Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
