Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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