just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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