Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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