Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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