Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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