He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
