Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
