The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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