Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
