When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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