YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
