took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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