You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
