And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
