i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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