i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
