When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
