I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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