Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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