if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
