it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
