i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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