you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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