she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My vagina just clenched in fear
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
