You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
