i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
